I am about to start on a new path in my life. I have only told the closest people in my life about this and even not all of them. 4 people. Mom, Dad, Lisa (the surrogate younger sis), and my therapist - Susan. That is it. And now you - whoever is reading this blog.
Last year, on December 6, 2006 I went to a seminar regarding the Lapband Surgery. It is a less invasive weight loss surgery. In the past I had done a ton of research on Gastric Bypass, including reading Carnie Wilson's book. And while I found some solice in her struggle - I could not bring myself to embrace that decision. I could not bring myself to accept changing the basic anatomy of my body. There were so many other factors I could not reconcile to live with. It was not reversable, it had a high complication rate, the recovery was long, the time to be out of work was long, it was expensive, there may be a need for plastic surgery later, the support system was lacking.... on and on...
I know people who have had this surgery and it changed their lives, but I was not willing to make the sacrifices and take the risks for the possible outcome.
The past 2 years have been a struggle... weight has ALWAYS been a struggle. But the past 2 years the more I tried, the more my body rallied against me, the more control over my calories, the more plataues and gains. Medicine changes equaled weight gain even though I had been taking in less than 800 calories. Exercise was a struggle. The constant question of what comes first the depression or the fat. Struggling with the pain and fatigue that came with the depression made exercise a larger struggle. Where ever I asked for help - I found dead ends... my insurance doesn't cover a nutritionist, my new doctor is just worried about the meds I am taking - not the side effects. My last doctor had went on sabatical. I really liked her, she made me feel like we were in this together. She had went to the seminar I had mentioned above way before I considered going. She had given me Dr. Eric Pinnar's name scrawled on a card. I still have that card. I have been dragging it around with me for over a year.
So the time had finally come. I guess I had reached my rock bottom. The turning point. I called for a place in the next seminar. And I waited for the day to come. Little did I know I would find what I was looking for. A ray of hope.
I sat in the seminar listening to Dr. Pinnar as he explained how our bodies worked, how he knew we could lose weight... we had done it before. But our bodies were built for the Stone Age. They weren't built to lose weight, they were built to sustain weight and hold it for the lean times. But lean times don't come to us in this world. He explained all the options for surgery. There are 4, but the most safe and most common are the Gastric Bypass and the Lapband. In America the Gastric Bypass equals 95% of all weight loss surgeries - while everywhere else in the world - the Lapband is 95%. Go figure Americans will choose the most elaborate way to do something. As Dr. Pinnar spoke he addressed every single one of the issues I had with gastric bypass. Infection, time, cost, support. All of it. If a ray of light came down and angels sang it would have been appropriate. So I took home the packet, made copies for my mom and my dad, scheduled an appointment with the doctor and hoped and prayed.
I had talked to the therapist and she was quite impressed. My knowledge is thorough. My resolve strong. She said I could probably give the seminar myself!
I went home for Christmas. I talked with both my mom and my dad. About all my concerns, all the reasons why I believed this was a good idea, all the reasons why I wanted to do this. Bottom line: this was the tool I needed to succeed. It was the whole package, the tool, the support, a new life. Sign me up. The only thing I am worried about now is cost (which is considerably less than Gastric Bypass but still a chunck of change in my world). I am hoping insurance will cover some of it, but heck, it wouldn't pay for a nutritionist!
So here we are today. January 2, 2007. 3 p.m. My first consult with Dr. Eric Pinnar. The first step.
I hope to continue to blog about my travels down this path. The ups and downs, the struggles and successes. I am ready. Hold on, here we go.
No comments:
Post a Comment